The Breakdown Of A Relationship.

ah, its been long. can almost see and feel the cobwebs hanging around this space you would normally associate with a blog.
in a way, its good. cause no one bothers to read this space anymore, and i can put whatever i want with no fears of people asking.

so, i was thinking to myself.
we've been friends for say, 7 years?
aint that long, but it sure aint short.
and i gotta admit, its been good times, good times.
good stuff that happen over the years,
how i wish, we could go back again.

but i guess, this is life.
you lose some, you gain some.
you meet new people, forge new friendships.
i guess i was naive,
to think such things would not matter.
" our frienship so strong!, sure can one, dun worry, sure can".
ah. the irony.
how wrong i was, to believe that such things would be able to stand against the tests of time.
i guess, i was wrong.

i thought we were best friends.
.

frankly, i'm tired, really.
this aint the first time it happens.
and everytime it does happen.
i brush it aside, thinking, " thats what friends are for, we forgive and move on"
but, no.
the same thing, the same situation happens again and again.

all this time, i kept thinking.
thinking, maybe. just maybe.
you would understand things from my pov.

i do understand.
you with your ever expanding legions of friends.
you do have your social commitments.
but i was just thinking, maybe just once.
but, it all comes to naught.

i do not blame you, rather i'm just very sick and tired of all this.
dun say i didnt try to salvage this relationship.
but somehow, somewhere, i had enough.
a person can only handle that much rejection.
and after awhile, i can truly say that i do give up.
once and for all.
really.

cause, my idea of bffs doesnt constitute me meeting you every say 4-5 months.
trying to patch and salvage the remains of this relationship in an instant doesnt work for me.
the awkward smiles, false pretences and halting conversation just doesnt work anymore.
times changes.
you've changed, i did.
our relationship aint the same anymore.
i do not want to put up a false front everytime we meet, making empty promises saying pointless nothings to one another, in an obviously failed attempt to recreate the old days.

we aint that close anymore.
sometimes, i think i dun even know you anymore.
sorry.

run, run till your lungs give out .

hi god,
how're you, i hear you're doing well.
good, just wondering.
as you know, my cousin is suffering from cancer.
and i being his cousin, am utterly helpless to what to do.
i really dunno if its all part of your great plan, nor dun i want to question your decisions anymore.
but please.
he's dying.
he's fucking dying.
pls.
do sth.

pls dun think that i;m trying to question your motives or sth.
i'm not here to do that.
nor do i have the time to even fathom whats up on your mind.
i know its not your fault.
its all man's doing.
we reap what we sow.
yes i get that.
but,
he's your child after all.
he's your beloved.
so why, are you doing this to him.
why?
i really dun know if your love for him equates to letting him suffer, as well as his family.
i really dun.

pls dun get me wrong.
i'm not critisicing you.
i just wanna know.
i just wanna hope for a miracle to happen.
they say the cancer has alr spread to his lungs.
pls.
really.
i'm begging you.
do sth pls.
i'll do anything.
i'll DO ANYTHING YOU HEAR.
seriously.
anything.

i'll go to cell.
i'll go to church.
i'll be a good boy.
i'll read the bible.
i';ll do devotion,
every single day.
i'll do it.
pls.

i try hard not to cry.
buts its so hard you know.
he's my cousin.
he's not just any tom dick or harry.
its so difficult to stand in the icu ward and look at him suffering.
in pain.
pls lord.
you are the almighty one.
pls help him.
cure him of his cancer.
take it that i'm begging you.
take it that i'm pleading for you guidance.
take it that i;m on my knees.
i'll do anything.

its, just so fucking hard.
to see him suffering there.
knwing that you cant do a single thing to help.
i really want him to get better.
i really want him to be cured.
you once said all things were possible through christ.
so, i'm putting my faith in you.
pls.
really.
dun let me down.



okay?

better together

Everytime i feel like shit, this song never fails to cheer me up.
thanks jon for the song intro.
=D


Better together

There's no combination of words
I could put on the back of a postcard
No song that I could sing
But I can try for your heart,
our dreams, and they are made out of real things
like a shoebox of photographs
with sepia-toned loving
Love is the answer
at least for most of the questions in my heart, like
Why are we here? And where do we go?
And how come it's so hard?
It's not always easy and
sometimes life can be deceiving
I'll tell you one thing, it's always better when we're together

Mmmm, It's always better when we're together
Yeah we'll look at the stars and we're together
Well, it's always better when we're together
Yeah it's always better when we're together

And all of these moments
just might find their way into my dreams tonight,
But I know that they’ll be gone
when the morning light sings
and brings new things
for tomorrow night you see
that they’ll be gone too,
too many things I have to do
But if all of these dreams might find their way
into my day to day scene
I'd be under the impression
i was somewhere in between
With only two,
Just me and you,
Not so many things we got to do
or places we got to be
We'll sit beneath the mango tree, now,

Yeah It's always better when we're together
Mmmm, we're somewhere in between together
Well, it's always better when we're together
Yeah, it's always better when we're together


I believe in memories
they look so, so pretty when I sleep
Hey now, and when I wake up,
you look so pretty sleeping next to me
But there is not enough time,
There is no, no song I could sing
and there is no combination of words I could say
but I will still tell you one thing
We're Better together

embrace life.
dun let it get you down.

you know whats happiness?
happiness is taking a long stroll home from tanah merah,
eating mumster's oh so awesome handmade sandwiches.
now thats happiness.
pure bliss.
=D

LOL. 3 more days.
i guess the thing abt birthdays, is that as it draws closer and closer, you tend to learn and find out many things abt yourself you wun normally know in the course of the year itself.
yep, i think its time for a reflection. =D

honestly speaking, this week has been nth but emo days.
had no idea why
nor do i want to know why i was wallowing in self despair, feeling so sorry for myself.
and then, it finally dawned on me.
WHY.
why should i be feeling sorry for myself.
the whole affair smacks of defeatism and loserism
does that mean that i'm gonna build a barrier around myself?
to be afraid of loving again?
to be afraind of committin myself?
to be afraid of getting hurt?
does it mean that i'm gonna let some insignificant stuff let me down?

i DO NOT think so.
cause you see.
running away from a problem = problem UNRESOLVED.
so instead of running like a coward, i chose to stand and face it.
frankly speaking, i do not really care abt your affairs now, nor am i interested to know.
lets just put it that way.
we had it, and now its gone.
sorry, but thats life.
i'm not gonna emo and go back to those days,
thinking how it COULD have been.


but if you think that i'm gonna start feeling sorry for myself. then you'll wrong.

cause sorry, its seriously not going to stop me from loving.
because i choose to not let such affairs entangle my emotions.
i choose to let myself be influenced by others people's actions.
i am not afraid to love once more.
i'm not afraid of making wrong decisions.
cause thats how you pick yourself up, and continue learning.
there is so much in life to look forward to.
yes, i do admit i love-ed you.
very much.
but i guess that i'm over it alr.
since everyone has to move on eventually, and not get stuck in a rut.
since you alr have done so, wouldnt it make sense if i didnt.

so, whatever happens from here.
i just want to let you know that, i'll always be happy for you, no matter what your decisions be.
yes, we had happy and sad times.
but lets just keep it that way.
everyone has their own routes to take in life.
and i fear that we are at the crossroads, in which a decision has to be made.

i guess that i have already make a decision.
have you?

=D

sincerely,
qixiang.

its 4 more days to my birthday.
and somehow, i dun feel anything.
i thought birthdays were meant to be happy occasions?
LOL.
i dunno, i mean i dun feel excited or sth
is that normal?
=D

周杰伦 - 龙战骑士
作词：方文山
作曲：周杰伦
专辑：魔杰座

放手一搏令谁都惭愧 迎着风极速在超越
那守门之兽展翼将飞 牠们却没看过蝴蝶
不懂什么 叫有花香的季节 什么叫绿草如茵的旷野
所有关于我的传说 全都不对
全都是纸屑 全部要改写

对敌人谦卑 抱歉 我不会
而远方的龙战于野
咆哮声不自觉 横越过了几条街

我坚决 冲破这一场浩劫
这世界谁被狩猎
谁淌血我却只为 拯救你的无邪
城墙上我在等魔坠 火焰吞噬无名碑
摧毁却无法击溃 我要爱上谁

废墟怎么被飞雪了解 只能滋长出羊齿蕨
那些仇恨已形成堡垒 我又该怎么去化解
低吼威胁 那些龙形的傀儡 牠们发不出的音叫心碎
惊觉你你啜泣声迂回 如此纯洁
已温柔削铁 以爱在谅解

在末日边陲 纯爱 被隔绝
我在危城的交界
目睹你的一切 锈迹班班的眼泪

我坚决 冲破这一场浩劫
这世界谁被狩猎
谁淌血我却只为 挽救你的无邪
城墙上我在等魔坠 火焰吞噬无名碑
摧毁却无法击溃 我要爱上谁

我坚决 冲破这一场浩劫
这世界谁被狩猎
摧毁却无法击溃 我要爱上谁


enough.